TriumphAnt

Dr Ballard… paging Dr Ballard…

In a follow-up to the last update’s note on the Great Pet Food Scandal of the Century!! (tm Reg’d; Pat Pend; All Rights Reserved; Misuse is Abuse), I offer the following.

The Ottawa Citizen reported on Sunday March 25 the story of Elaine Larabie, a woman who had recently adopted a dog from the Humane Society. The dog, that Elaine named Missy, had only ever been fed on table scraps from the hands of people at the table.

Missy apparently was having a serious problem adjusting to the concept that something placed in a bowl on the floor could be considered “food”. So this woman, applying that which distinguishes us from the apes (or the sponges, if you’re a fan of “Inherit the Wind”*) reasoned that if she ate some of the dog’s food from the dog’s dish – in front of the dog – the dog would clue in to the fact that the floor-borne comestibles are, indeed, supper.

Well, this can’t come as a surprise to anyone, but Ms Larabie became ill -- specifically (according to the CanWest News Service story), “she suffered a range of ‘confusing’ and ‘embarrassing’ symptoms, including loss of appetite, vomiting and foaming of the mouth. She also had problems urinating”. And she did this FOR TWO WEEKS! (That dog’s Humane Society file must have been labelled “Slow learner”.) (For the record, just reading this is kinda causing me to suffer loss of appetite… but I digest.)

Anyway, she has concluded that she and her dog managed to get hold of some of the tainted food, before it was pulled from all the shelves in North America that offered pet food for sale.

As I read through her story in that Sunday’s Citizen, I have to confess that I really could not find any point at which my sympathy switch was activated. That probably says more about me than it says about anything else, but there you are. And even worse, I wondered what in heaven’s name would prompt this woman to call a major local daily newspaper, tell them she’s been (literally) wolfing down Alpo in an effort to convince her dog it is food, and then to welcome both a reporter and a photographer into her home in order to have this story played very prominently in the paper’s weekend edition.

* The little aside refers to this memorable exchange between Spencer (Henry Drummond / HD) Tracy and Frederic (Matthew Harrison Brady / MHB) March in the film:

“MHB: We must not abandon faith! Faith is the most important thing!
HD: Then why did God plague us with the capacity to think? Mr. Brady, why do you deny the one thing that sets above the other animals? What other merit have we? The elephant is larger, the horse stronger and swifter, the butterfly more beautiful, the mosquito more prolific, even the sponge is more durable. Or does a sponge think?
MHB: I don't know. I'm a man, not a sponge!
HD: Do you think a sponge thinks?
MHB: If the Lord wishes a sponge to think, it thinks!
HD: Does a man have the same privilege as a sponge?
MHB: Of course!
HD: [Gesturing towards the defendant, Bertram Cates] Then this man wishes to have the same privilege of a sponge, he wishes to think!”

= = =

And here’s why you don’t necessarily want your corner populated by a supporter who is a Canadian Olympic gold medalist, even if she is an attractive, blue-eyed blonde who packs a rifle (because her sport is the biathlon)…

A recent decision of a federal court judge has ruled that former CN Rail chief Jean Pelletier – a friend of former Prime Minister Jean Chretien -- was unfairly dismissed by friends of more recently former Prime Minister Paul Martin. Ducklings with long memories might recall that Pelletier characterized former Olympian Myriam Bedard as a “pitiable single mother” in refuting a number of the claims she made during the Gomery sponsorship scandal hearings. The Martin government responded by sacking him… perhaps a tad prematurely if subsequent evidence is anything to go by. A Toronto Star article (March 30 online) about the most recent judgment recalls some of the previous Bedard testimony and a subsequent media appearance not of her own choosing:

“Later the same month, the former Olympic gold-medallist expanded on those allegations at an inquiry into the sponsorship scandal which received her stunning testimony with deep skepticism. She said her boyfriend had personally convinced Chrétien to keep Canada out of the Iraq war, that an ad agency involved in the scandal also trafficked in cocaine, and that race-car driver Jacques Villeneuve was paid $12 million to wear the Canadian flag. Bedard was in the news again at the end of last year for allegedly abducting her daughter before being arrested in Maryland.”

My suspicion now is that the feds are simply going to have to take their lumps and work out a deal with Pelletier because pressing it further is only going to add additional court costs to the eventual settlement. My other suspicion is that the digital appearance of “M Bedard” on any Parliament Hill telephone’s call-identification window is going to result in a telephone cord’s being summarily yanked from its wall socket.

= = =

I am nothing if not a big man, and since it takes a big man to admit when he’s wrong, it seems there has been a recent accumulation of follow-ups to suggest that some of my first reactions missed the mark:

1. Several months ago, I ventured that a very short, unhappy life would be lived by a “green box” garbage re-cycling program instituted in my father-in-law’s neighbourhood. To me, it looked like homeowners were being asked to lay out a raccoon buffet every week, and were further being asked to hang a “Welcome Vermin!” sign on the containers because they were required to leave the lid unlocked, in fact without even the impedance of a bungee cord.

Well it turns out that not only is the program a soaring success, it is now being introduced in Toronto, where it is being welcomed.

2. It seems that damned “tainted pet food” story (above) has ever more serious legs. While I still vigorously lament the class action lawsuit’s being pursued, the number of pets actually made ill by the associated products might (emphasis on “might”, at this point) run up into the thousands. The corporate financial hit is also heading into the stratosphere. So contrary to my first ramble, it ain’t simply a case of a dozen and a half cats and dogs. It’s a whole bunch of them – oh, and one somewhat misguided dog owner. (So far)

So I was wrong about that, too.

= = =

And finally: Coincidence? I think not.

Even though 99 per cent of my home e-mail spam is snagged by Rogers in a very effective “BULK” e-mailbox at its own website before I even transfer my e-mail to my computer, I still always do a quick scan of both “SUBJECT” and “FROM” in the “BULK” box because once in a while it’ll actually be a legitimate e-mail message from a source to whom I’ve subscribed, or from family or friends who’ve sent a gang mailing to a whole lotta people – something Rogers also treats as spam on many occasions.

So recently, I got a chuckle out of the SUBJECT that showed up one message from someone who, I suspect, was offering to hook me up with the opportunity to buy everything from an Irish Sweepstakes ticket to a ticket on Spain’s annual massive national game of chance, El Gordo.

The SUBJECT?: “Worldwide Lootery Agent”.

Chalk one up for truth in advertising.

À la prochaine!