“Thefts from feminine-hygiene dispensers have been spotty in the past, she said.”
– in an MSU StateNews story / June 16, about an unusual rash – uh sorry... series – of thefts on the campus of Michigan State University).
= = = = = =
Another thing I suspect the speaker wishes he had thought about. (Number 2 in a series):
A Globe and Mail story on June 20 described a coming judicial hearing at which Canada’s laws on prostitution are expected to be at the centre of an intense debate.
The story’s focus was a recent appeal by a coalition of religious groups seeking to be granted something called “intervenor” status at the hearings. The group’s spokesman and lawyer, Ranjan Agarwal, however, would probably like to ask for a verbal “mulligan” after he tried to assure a Toronto judge that his clients have no intention of trying to derail the process by offering nothing more than a series of diatribes on the immorality of prostitution. On the contrary, he said, “What my clients seek to do is simply stand up after five days of hearings and make oral submissions.”
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Some random notes on the coverage attending the death of Michael Jackson. (Oh c’mon, surely you knew I wasn’t going to say nothing about it!)
You just know, I’m afraid, that we are on our way to a tabloid-style ghoulish media orgy the likes of which hasn’t been seen since Elvis Presley died. Already, there are stories swirling around Mr Jackson’s personal physician and his (to put it delicately) lack of availability in the hours immediately following Jackson’s death. The Jackson family, meanwhile (his surviving siblings and parents, not his children) are rumoured to be seeking an “independent autopsy”. (Which begs the question, what is a partisan autopsy? And do you want to know?)
But even in the early hours of the post mortem period, the endless media post mortem has not been without its humour. The morning after, a former Jackson lawyer was already waxing indignant about what he believed to be the cause of death, and in a clip heard on CBC radio spluttered his certainty that Jackson was the victim of his doctors’ enthusiastic overprovision of prescription drugs, “And I just knew that one day Michael Jackson was going to wake up dead and on that day, I was not going to keep silent any longer.”
Keep silent, given the triggering event of a dead man waking up? I should think not.
Meanwhile, in one of those interviews that made me clap my hands delightedly, again on the day after Jackson’s death a BBC reporter from his home studio in London was speaking to a reporter just outside the Jacksons’ California home. The studio anchor was obviously wrapped up in his own soaring rhetoric as he speculated on the likelihood of an excessive consumption of prescription drugs, quoting physicians who apparently were authorities on overusing prescription drugs, and then finally winding down to a halt. There followed a silence of a good five to ten seconds – an eternity in airspace time. Then the California reporter piped up, “And was there a question in there, Peter?”
(There hadn’t been and it was wonderful to see an anchor so rhapsodized by what he imagined to be own self-importance one second get so jarring a reminder of his role – to ask questions – in the very next second.)
As Friday’s media Jackson wallow unfolded around the world, the thought occurred to me that the family of Farrah Fawcett-Majors must have sacrificed a goat in gratitude as they watched the Multitudinous Media Morbidity Militia hurriedly pack up their equipment from the late Angel’s front lawn and hasten over to the LA hospital even as Jackson’s body was being helicoptered in for its lengthy post-passing analysis.
Just to inject a note of legitimacy here... I just re-watched the music video for “Thriller” and it is a damned fine piece of entertainment. When you place it in its context – contrasting it to everything that came before, and comparing it to everything that followed – you swiftly realize just what an “ELE” (Extinction Level Event) it was for those who would continue to try to model themselves only on its predecessors. And you realize too, just how awful the subsequent Thriller wannabees, without exception, have been.
To paraphrase William Holden when he buried “Thompson” in the opening scenes of “Bridge on the River Kwai”: Rest in peace, Mr J. God knows you found little enough of it while you were alive.
= = =
Spam filters? SPAM FILTERS??? Here’s what we theenk of your steenkin’ spam filters! Here’s the title of a message that got by my usually efficient spam filter to wind up in my in-box:
“Girls: Here’s the ultimate or gasmic device ever!”
So apparently, girls... You can have “ultimate” or you can have “gasmic”, but you can’t have both. I must admit my first thought was that the idea of a device to help reduce late night heartburn might actually be worth a look. But then my morning coffee kicked in and suddenly all was clear. It wasn’t about a gastric device after all.
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If you’re looking for evidence of just how drastically the economic times have changed, you need look no further than the latest information about the employer’s “final offer” in the last-ditch negotiations underway between the management and union of the Globe and Mail:
“The union, which represents 450 workers at the national paper, said the paper's offer included pension benefits cuts of up to 50 percent; salary reductions in some wage categories; a general two-year wage freeze for all employees; longer work days and a longer work week.” (Reported by Reuters.ca June 28)
Phew! Good thing they didn’t seriously entertain those shabby earlier offers. Clearly this demonstrates to trade unions just how much more generous a company will become over time.
= = =
Fun with quotes:
1. Blogger "Canadian Cynic" describes the lens (June 21) through which to view a couple quotes he posted recently. In the process, he taps a well-known cultural reference (“well-known” if you saw the movie “Deliverance”) to give us his opinion of a blogger known as “Raphael Alexander”:
"Holding true to its motto of misrepresenting all the news that's fit to print, the [National] Post saves a few bucks by dipping into its pool of excitable, wanky bloggers to tab the one known as 'Raphael Alexander', who does to journalism what a couple of banjo players once did to Ned Beatty."
2."Dawg's Blawg" author John Baglow writes (June 21) about McGill University's Margaret Somerville, a specialist on bioethics:
"This time she's on about stem cell research and the sacredness of the embryo. (The article is helpfully illustrated with pictures of fully-formed fetuses in their eighth or ninth month, but in fairness, that's not Somerville's fault.) 'We are all ex-embryos,' she says, in her sloppy way. We are, of course, all pre-corpses, too. That might lead some to draw quite novel conclusions about the sacredness of human life. No matter."
3. I remember when the Rolling Stones avoided getting into all kinds of hot water because Ed Sullivan told them they would not be able to sing the chorus lyric to their hit, "Let's Spend the Night Together" on his show. They relented and, for the sake of ensnaring the multi-million number of eyes in the typical Sullivan audience, sang it as "Let's Spend Some Time Together".
I must admit that, when I read the following, I realized that I kind of miss those days:
"Billed as a tribute to New York, Gaga began the performance trapped inside a fake subway car - which she later exploded with a stick of faux dynamite - and followed with a raunchy setpiece that featured fake police officers (they later stripped), gyrating, leather-clad dancers and finished with Gaga posing with sparklers shooting from her bustier." (A summary of Lady Gaga's "music" performance at this year's Much Music Video Awards. Canadian Press, June 22)
Isn’t it nice to read about a contemporary performer who chooses to focus on her music, instead of pushing it to a distant and forgotten second place behind a visual orgy of cheesy showmanship and spurious titillation?
= = =
So how long did it take me to pour out our France travel yarn – 127 months or so?
Well I just got a message from another BD regular who himself has just returned from a three-week overseas trip – and here’s what he had to say about his family’s experience, which in three short paragraphs is every bit as interesting as my travel diary was. (Certainly it’s more tightly written!):
“Hello World,
The family did the European trek from May 2 to May 24. Six countries in three weeks. (England-London only, France – Paris and Strasbourg, northern Italy, southern Germany, part of Austria and Prague in the Czech Republic). Wow, the trip was fantastic, the weather great, and not that many tourists. Too many highlights to put into this communication. Being history buffs, we did the following: War Cabinet Rooms and Churchill Museum in London, Versailles – finally saw the Hall of Mirrors, toured The Maginot Line, visited Dachau (Hitler’s 1st concentration camp), was overwhelmed by The Eagle’s Nest (Hitler’s Tea House) in Bavaria, and Prague was amazing.
My son wanted to go to a football match, so we went to see AC Milan versus Udinese in Udine, Italy – great atmosphere. My daughter wanted to spend time at the ocean, so we went to Duino, Italy on the north Adriatic Sea. Some interesting sights there.
Back to reality now. Instead of looking at masterpieces in The Louvre, I am staring at a mountain of files and paperwork in my office.”
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And finally this go round, I know that SPAM is a pretty easy shot, but I must admit this one, which I received just as this BD update was being put to bed, is in a class all by itself. It opened to a beautiful graphic – identifying it as coming from the “Main Bodies” division of the “United Nations System of Organizations”, and then got right down to business. As you will see, they were writing to advise me that after an extraordinary board meeting (hey, it was six months long) they have been authorized to tell me that, apparently, I can pretty much retire!
UNITED NATIONS (UNITED NATIONS ASSISTED SCHEME) DIRECTORATE OF INTERNATIONAL PAYMENT AND TRANSFERS UNITED NATIONS LIASION OFFICE
LONDON UNITED KINGDOM WIRE TRANSFER/AUDIT UNIT
Our Ref: WB/NF/UN/XX027
Cell PHONE: +448715031631
Home +44 7024031962
This is to officially inform you that we have been having a meeting for the passed 6 months that ended 3 days ago with the UNITED NATIONS BOARD OF TRUSTEES AND AUDITORS with new secretary to the United Nation Mr. Ban Ki-moon.
This email is to all the people that have been scammed in any part of the world, the UNITED NATIONS have agreed to compensate them with the sum of US$500,000,00 Dollars each. This includes every contractors that may have not received their contract sum and people that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed due to Government problems etc.
We found your name in our list and that is why we are contacting you, these have been agreed upon and have been signed.
You are advised to contact the United Nation Agent Mr. Jim Ovia immediately for your Cheque/International Bank Draft of USD$500,000.00. These funds are in a Bank Draft for security purpose. He will send it to you through Courier Services and you can clear it in any bank of your choice.
Therefore, you should send him your full Name and telephone number/your correct mailing address where he will send the bank draft to you. Contact Mr. Jim Ovia the United Nation agent
immediately for your Cheque:
Person to Contact Mr. Jim Ovia
Emails: mr.jimovia01@sify.com
Phone:
Thanks and God bless you and your family. Hoping to hear from you as soon as you cash your Bank Draft. Making the world a better place.
MY BEST REGARDS.
Congratulations in advance.
Mr. Kofi Anan And
New Secretary to
The United Nation.
http://www.un.org/
It concluded with a “grip and grin” photo of “Mr Kofi Anan And New Secretary to the United Nation”.
Needless to say, I was delighted to discover that the UN seems suddenly to have acquired the apparent net worth of every profit-making institution on the face of the earth, including the past few days of Michael Jackson song and album sales. Meanwhile, I eagerly await the news that “US $500,000,00 Dollars” has been transferred to my account in compensation for having had to endure the endless bombardment of... well, frankly, of letters exactly like this.... since the Internet began.
After all, that’s why I wired them the $3,500 (Canadian) “transfer fee”, I’m sure my half million dollars’ll arrive any day now...
Yep... any day now.
Meanwhile: 2000 km this season already, and counting!
A la next time.
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