TriumphAnt

It must be the silly season. Two stories that vaulted to the front pages today make me think so.

As Rod Serling would have said, “Submitted for your approval…”

1. Like any large government, the Government of Ontario is also responsible for a massive program that pays welfare and disability benefits to a great many people in this province. Recently, it was revealed that a computer system, which supposedly is capable of handling the program’s administration, is in fact utterly incapable of coping with the Government’s recent announcement that it will increase payments for both these programs by 3%.

It all sounds perfectly in tune with current general government philosophy that dictates no problem is so small that it can’t be made vastly more cumbersome and expensive to resolve. From the Toronto Star (July 7th): “People who have to work with the system have said it is confusing and takes hours to make even the smallest adjustments. ‘In creating this massive system (they) that made it so damn convoluted that it takes hours to make even the most minor change,’ said a former caseworker, who added that it is so difficult to retrieve information that fraud cases have been dropped because necessary evidence can't be found in the computer. Another government insider confided that the system is so time consuming that caseworkers are prevented from spending precious minutes with welfare and disability recipients.”

The numbers? Program development + staffing + training (so far): $500 million. First estimate of the costs to tinker with the computer program to accommodate the 3% increase: $20 million. Other contracts held by the computer company in question (Accenture / formerly Anderson Consulting): Governments of Alberta and New Brunswick, and the CBC. Complete details on tonight’s eleven o’clock news… except for viewers in Alberta and New Brunswick. Oh, and only on CTV.

2. The University of New Brunswick has refused to accept a blind candidate into its apparently vaunted English immersion program because his guide dog responds only to commands in French. Apparently the rules of this course are so strict that even when students phone home, they are required to speak English – never mind that family members on the other end of the phone might not understand a single word they are saying. There is simply no way for the University to come out of this looking like anything other than tunnel-visioned bureaucrats, I’m afraid.

Asked to comment, Pavot, the French-trained black lab in question, replied “Le woof?”

The story recalls the (probably apocryphal) parrot tale a few years back, variously attributed to a range of roots, from “the truth” to no less venerable a source than the late Mordecai Richler. But live on it does, witness this citation of an “Anglo” report at a website calling itself (albeit en français) the “daily voice for an independent Quebec”, and which is dedicated to, among other things, maintaining “vigilance” over threats to the French language in that province. (This report is apparently presented on this site as an example of the Anglo sneering that greets efforts to protect the French tongue. Although in this case the source probably embarrasses as many, if not more, English Canadians as it angers those who are French. It comes from something called the Citizens Centre Report, whose motto is “Pushing Anglo Supremacy on Ignorant Canadians is What we Do Best!”):

“Francophones continue driving English-speakers from Quebec while expanding French usage across Canada (...) In perhaps the most extreme example of language-police zealousness, Mr. Kalasatidis reports, ‘A pet store owner was threatened with fines because a parrot spoke to customers in English only.’ As a result of such harassment, he says, ‘The strategy has worked, and hundreds of thousands of English have left Quebec.’" (http://www.vigile.net/ds-langue/index-canada.html)

UPDATE: Now here’s a shocker. By day’s end, news coverage of the UNB story, which in one day has circumnavigated the globe and appeared in forums like the Times of India, the BBC and the Washington Times, was announcing the following:

(Canadian Press) “University to allow in French-only guide dog: FREDERICTON — The University of New Brunswick has reversed a controversial decision to ban a blind man and his guide dog from an English immersion program. The university found itself in the dog house this week when Yvan Tessier, a blind student from Quebec, was refused entry to a five-week summer English program because his guide dog, Pavot, understands only French commands. The university announced in a release late Wednesday it will now allow Tessier in the course. The decision came after Tessier, who is from Trois-Rivieres, Que., went public with his story and it was picked up around the world.”

Or as Mr Tessier’s dog would no doubt say, could he talk, “Quel surprise!”

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.